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Christmas Morning Surprise

Herman and Martha were happily married for nearly forty years. The only

friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of

breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always

wake up Martha and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would

choke and gasp for air.

Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in

the morning. Herman told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him

to visit a doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband

wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily

function, and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the

fumes away with her hands.

She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't

stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".

The years went by and Martha continued to suffer and Herman continued

to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas

morning. Before dawn, Martha went downstairs to prepare the family

feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of

course a turkey.

While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to

the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a

devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and

quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake.

While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then

gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of

the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced

the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family

meal.

Several hours later she heard Herman awake with normal loud ass

trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the

sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.

Martha could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she

rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she

had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, Herman came downstairs in his blood stained

underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep

from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.

"Honey," he said. "You were right, all those years you warned me and I

didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked Martha.

"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of

these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and

these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."